Men everywhere, envy me. I just got groped in the elevator! By a cute young Korean woman!

At first I thought it was an accidental touch to my boo-tay because she was following very close as we got onto the elevator. But then she did it again! I turned around to look at her and she giggled at me. What can this mean? Does grabbing someone’s buttcheek constitute “the good morning nod” in Korea? Do I look like a hot lesbian, but only to Korean chicks? I must ponder the significance of this encounter.

Here is an anecdote which happened a while back, but about which I never blogged. I was at Wal-Mart (back when I still shopped at Wal-Mart, which I haven’t for a long time, but that’s another story) buying Diet Cokes and allergy medicine. This is one of those Wal-Marts with a grocery store. In front of me in line was this geezer buying the most standard grocery assortment ever: a gallon of milk, a jug of orange juice, a box of some geez cereal like Raisin Bran and a loaf of bread. But here’s the thing: he also had (drum roll) radishes. What caught my attention, though, was that he didn’t have a couple of radishes, or one bunch. He had what must have been - and I'm not joking about this - the store’s entire produce display of radishes, all stuffed into those little produce bags.

For those of you in the South, like me: have you ever seen an elderly lady about a week before Thanksgiving or Christmas, buying collards? And you know she’s having all seven kids and all twenty grandkids and all six bazillion great-grandkids for holiday dinner, because that’s how many bags of collards she’s getting? That’s how much this guy had, only in radishes.

What on earth does one do with that many radishes? I wasn’t negatively impacted by his cornering the Conyers radish market or anything, but what could he possibly want that many for? For any recipe, a little radish goes a long way. Even if he was making vegetable trays for a huge holiday party, why would he need more than 20? But he had over 20 POUNDS. If he’s inordinately fond of radishes and eats them with every meal, even his Raisin Bran, it seems like they’d go bad before he could consume that frickin’ many. I thought he might be planning to make a big batch of horseradish (weird, but possible) until Cheryl told me that you make horseradish from a different sort of radish entirely, not the little round red kind.

Anyway, the mystery of Korean Groping Woman will be filed alongside Radish Man, unless one of my fellow bloggers can elucidate for me.