Should I just go ahead and rename my blog “My Big Fat Irish Wedding”? Because this is another wedding post but this one could be amusing if you guys help me out.
Are any of my readers, friends and acquaintances in the blogsphere related to celebrities? Or know any? Or know someone who knows ‘em? Because I want to invite some celebrities to my wedding. It's not that I expect Tom and Katie to actually turn up, and not so I can point to a Tiffany bowl and say, "Yeah, that's what Bob DeNiro sent me as a wedding gift." No, I have something far more devious in mind.
Wouldn’t it be funny to have total strangers and/or famous people speculating about who the hell I am? Maybe I could even spark a well-publicized celebrity divorce, or at least a domestic argument, preferably with some flung statuary. Here’s an example.
To a graceful, picturesque estate in Swansea arrives my tasteful, engraved invitation on heavy paper addressed in Cheryl’s beautiful calligraphy. Catherine Zeta-Jones opens it and remarks, "Georgia? Hey, Mike, we got invited to a wedding in Georgia. It must be one of YOUR skanky relatives!"
Michael Douglas replies, "I don't know anybody from Georgia. It's got to be some friend of yours."
CZJ: I don't know anybody named Helly!
MD: Are you certain? It sure sounds like some stupid Welsh name.
CZJ: No, it sounds Scottish...anyway, what do you mean by that ‘stupid’ remark?!?
MD: Nothing, nothing. Let me see that. Hmm, are you sure you don’t know her?
CZJ: Positive.
MD: Well, then who is this ‘Alan’ guy? An old boyfriend or something?
CZJ: No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
MD: Oh, so now I'm ridiculous, am I? Well, they didn’t get our private personal address from NOWHERE.
CZJ: I’ve told you before, darling, you have nothing to be jealous of.
MD: [waving invitation accusingly] Then explain this!
Oh, before any of you get any bright ideas, Noel and Liam Gallagher are not getting invited. The reception is open bar and my daddy’s not made of money. Similarly, this is a high-toned event (despite my Doc Martens) so no way are Britney and K-Fed invited. Eeeuw. But aside from them, if you know any celebrities, forward me their home address. It’ll be fun. Just don’t forget to deny any knowledge of me if they ask you.
Are any of my readers, friends and acquaintances in the blogsphere related to celebrities? Or know any? Or know someone who knows ‘em? Because I want to invite some celebrities to my wedding. It's not that I expect Tom and Katie to actually turn up, and not so I can point to a Tiffany bowl and say, "Yeah, that's what Bob DeNiro sent me as a wedding gift." No, I have something far more devious in mind.
Wouldn’t it be funny to have total strangers and/or famous people speculating about who the hell I am? Maybe I could even spark a well-publicized celebrity divorce, or at least a domestic argument, preferably with some flung statuary. Here’s an example.
To a graceful, picturesque estate in Swansea arrives my tasteful, engraved invitation on heavy paper addressed in Cheryl’s beautiful calligraphy. Catherine Zeta-Jones opens it and remarks, "Georgia? Hey, Mike, we got invited to a wedding in Georgia. It must be one of YOUR skanky relatives!"
Michael Douglas replies, "I don't know anybody from Georgia. It's got to be some friend of yours."
CZJ: I don't know anybody named Helly!
MD: Are you certain? It sure sounds like some stupid Welsh name.
CZJ: No, it sounds Scottish...anyway, what do you mean by that ‘stupid’ remark?!?
MD: Nothing, nothing. Let me see that. Hmm, are you sure you don’t know her?
CZJ: Positive.
MD: Well, then who is this ‘Alan’ guy? An old boyfriend or something?
CZJ: No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
MD: Oh, so now I'm ridiculous, am I? Well, they didn’t get our private personal address from NOWHERE.
CZJ: I’ve told you before, darling, you have nothing to be jealous of.
MD: [waving invitation accusingly] Then explain this!
Oh, before any of you get any bright ideas, Noel and Liam Gallagher are not getting invited. The reception is open bar and my daddy’s not made of money. Similarly, this is a high-toned event (despite my Doc Martens) so no way are Britney and K-Fed invited. Eeeuw. But aside from them, if you know any celebrities, forward me their home address. It’ll be fun. Just don’t forget to deny any knowledge of me if they ask you.
4 Comments:
You and Bo are the most famous people I know. I met Jesse Jewell (of the frozen fried chicken fortune) when I was a teen, but he's dead.
mom
By
Anonymous, at 3:36 PM
Just send a bunch of invitations out to their publicists. Surely a fancy wedding invitation will get some notice. It would be fun.
By
Anonymous, at 3:45 PM
Nah, I want it to go to their private residence. It wouldn't start a good "what are you hiding" shrieking argument if it was forwarded by management.
By
Helly, at 4:13 PM
And Mom, if I wanted to invite dead people, I'd invite Uncle Kenneth.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
By
Helly, at 4:13 PM
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