I don’t want this to turn into Helly’s Wedding Blog but I need to rant about the lovely, wonderful dress I found which I wanted muchly. It needs to be ordered and the delivery date is MONTHS from now, which is not my biggest problem. I have no idea what size to order or if the dress will even be recognizable after the EXTREME alterations necessary according to the designer’s measurement ratios.
The designer has a handy-dandy sizing chart and that’s where my trouble starts. This is not a fat rant - although my size is larger than I’d like, I could come to terms with that. What I can’t accept, however, is that my boobs, waist and hip measurements translate to three different sizes - but wait there’s more - those three different sizes are SIX sizes apart. I hope you have better luck grasping that concept than I did. I am NOT lopsided, dammit! I have a perfect hourglass figure (it's just very, very late).
According to the designer's chart, my boobs put me in a size TWENTY-EIGHT. Not 28 inches, mind you - SIZE twenty-eight. And according to that same chart, my hips (the biggest fattest part of me by FAR) are a size eighteen - six sizes smaller. How is this even possible? I wear normal bras in a normal 36D - I am not Letha Weapons, for fuck's sake!
This makes no sense in and of itself, but even less when I consider my daily wardrobe. There are two items in my closet that are 16, nothing any larger and most of my stuff is 14s and 12s. How in the name of all that’s holy did I get to be a TWENTY-EIGHT?!? And if I order a 28 to accommodate my boobs, how in the world is my mother to whack off half the bodice so it fits my waist?!? It’s not any better for skinny girls, either. According to these people, a perfect chick (36-24-36) is a size ten, four AND eight. GAH!
The designer has a handy-dandy sizing chart and that’s where my trouble starts. This is not a fat rant - although my size is larger than I’d like, I could come to terms with that. What I can’t accept, however, is that my boobs, waist and hip measurements translate to three different sizes - but wait there’s more - those three different sizes are SIX sizes apart. I hope you have better luck grasping that concept than I did. I am NOT lopsided, dammit! I have a perfect hourglass figure (it's just very, very late).
According to the designer's chart, my boobs put me in a size TWENTY-EIGHT. Not 28 inches, mind you - SIZE twenty-eight. And according to that same chart, my hips (the biggest fattest part of me by FAR) are a size eighteen - six sizes smaller. How is this even possible? I wear normal bras in a normal 36D - I am not Letha Weapons, for fuck's sake!
This makes no sense in and of itself, but even less when I consider my daily wardrobe. There are two items in my closet that are 16, nothing any larger and most of my stuff is 14s and 12s. How in the name of all that’s holy did I get to be a TWENTY-EIGHT?!? And if I order a 28 to accommodate my boobs, how in the world is my mother to whack off half the bodice so it fits my waist?!? It’s not any better for skinny girls, either. According to these people, a perfect chick (36-24-36) is a size ten, four AND eight. GAH!
17 Comments:
ok
my best friend used to work in couture alterations and she does bridal. very hard to find someone who won't just stitch witch or STAPLE it!! come for a summer road trip, bring the oysterhead, and we'll have lunch and orra will do your dress.
it's a date!
By nita, at 11:38 AM
That's what is so wonderful about the internet. I fuss about a problem and one of my fantastic buddies fixes it for me - Flippy with the printer driver, you with alterations.
Now, if only someone who has seen me in real life would post "There is no way you are a size 28 no matter who the designer is", my contentment would be complete.
By Helly, at 11:45 AM
There is no way you are a size 28 no matter who the designer is.
By Anonymous, at 11:59 AM
Alan, you are a HERO!
mikey
By Anonymous, at 12:12 PM
oh, wedding dresses are an absolute drag. Alterations are ALWAYS necessary and 28? there is no way.
By maria, at 12:41 PM
Thanks, Alan and Maria! You guys rock!
By Helly, at 1:19 PM
Can someone find the woman they use to size clothing? I'd like to meet her.
There's no sense even considering a pret a porte wedding dress -- especially given the location... and the Doc's. :-)
If you're going to have to alter anyway, order the 28 and have it altered. My grandmother (who -was- Letha Weapons) had to resize almost every dress she owned. I'd ask the company, though, to be sure there isn't some hidden alteration booby-trap.
If you're interested, I'll see if I can uncover the name of the seamstress here who made a dress for me once -- she was great!
And, no, I don't think you're a 28. But, when I was in high school and tipped the scales at 110 fully dressed, I had at two dresses sized down from something in the teen's and they turned out lovely.
By Anonymous, at 11:43 PM
Bah, get married in a Domi jersey. This fancy stuff, it just means that you're that much further away from buying a brand new convertible. One that isn't possessed.
Should I ever get married. It's going to be a luau and everyone will be wearing Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops. Elvis will preside.
By Anonymous, at 2:21 AM
Thanks, Lachele - your reassurance makes me feel better. I called yesterday and they think I measured wrong (apparently one is not supposed to measure one's own boobs) and I found a cool medieval style alternative so I'm more hopeful.
Flippy, girl, you have no idea. I wanted to get married by an Elvis quite badly, and to do it in Vegas. Alan is the one with the weird idea about a traditional 'do' involving our families and friends...
By Helly, at 7:59 AM
There is no way you are a 28. No. Way.
I would be scared to order something like that. But then, I never had a wedding dress. For that matter, I've never had anything altered. We fear what we do not understand...
Good luck.
By Kristal, at 10:08 AM
Thank you, Kristy! It is kind of scary...so many choices are intimidating and I don't want to make an expensive mistake.
By Helly, at 10:43 AM
Hmmm, 28. Tie's number is 28. Alan, don't you think this means something? Especially after the aforementioned car possession?
By Anonymous, at 12:56 PM
OMG, it's a vast right wing conspiracy!
Get it, right wing?
By Helly, at 1:16 PM
Yes, here's a link to the mediaeval dress. Of course, buying one's wedding gown off E-bay creates a whole 'nother series of panic/worry issues...
http://cgi.ebay.com/Ivory-Gold-Renaissance-Fantasy-Corset-Gown-w-Jewels_W0QQitemZ8232238609QQcategoryZ63851QQtcZphotoQQcmdZViewItem
By Helly, at 4:29 PM
It's a very cool dress; although, I'm still leaning toward the jersey.
Heh, "right wing conspiracy". Seriously, it seems meant to be.
By Anonymous, at 6:06 PM
I don't get right wing - is this a sports allusion?
Of course you're not a size 28, that's just silly.
Most of my clothes just don't fit quite right, ever, because i don't want to bother to have things altered.
Let's go to Massachussetts - that's a great idea.
By Anonymous Me, at 8:48 PM
Tie plays Right Wing and is #28. :)
By Anonymous, at 10:45 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home