I’m still in search of the perfect video game, one that achieves that delicate balance between ‘difficult enough to be challenging’ and ‘controller-flinging impossible’...
Why I disliked “Castlevania: Lament of Innocence”: this game is dang weird, and I don’t mean because it’s about vampires and all spooookeh. It is the oddest mix of 2D and 3D imaginable, like 2.5D or something. You can move your Belmont in all directions, so it’s kinda 3D, but it’s like he lives in a strictly 2D world...the bookshelves and sconces are just “painted” on the walls, he can’t look around from a central standpoint, there’s no first-person view and in many rooms (if you can grasp this concept without being high) the wall where your TV screen is, doesn’t exist even if you move him so as to circle the perimeter of the room.
On the positive side, this game did allow me to achieve a Crowning Glory Moment in video game stupidity when I got stuck in the freaking TUTORIAL. Yes, in the TUTORIAL. After the introduction and opening cutscenes, you steer your Belmont into the super scary spooky castle in the deep dark woods (as you can tell, “Lament of Innocence” is VASTLY different from “Symphony of the Night”) and play through a short tutorial. The tutorial tells you helpful things like “If Leon jumps, then jumps again while in the air, he can jump even higher to reach new places” - well, I immediately deduced that if you push X to jump, why, then that would mean X, X is double-jump (I’m clever that way). Then you come to a room where the tutorial shows you this picture of a wrought-iron railing on a balcony and says “Use whip to swing and traverse ledges”. Ummm...okay. Leon has 2 whip attacks, the whip-whip attack and the boomstick-whip attack. I tried every conceivable permutation and combination of these attacks whilst jumping, double-jumping, standing still, from a running start, from an angle and straight on. I am feeling very smug and pompous because I did not destroy yet another PS2 controller.
In a state of dire humiliation, I went to Gamefaqs for assistance but was spared the derisive laugher of my fellow gamers because, hard though it might be to believe, there is someone out there even lamer than me. Yes, the “how do I hook the whip and swing” question had already been asked. More than once. The secret is X, X, square but evidently “it’s kind of a pain”. Oh, WONDERFUL. After an interminably long time, I eventually moved on, although once I hooked the whip and swung my Belmont, I have no idea how the 247th time I pressed X, X, square differed from the first 246 times. But, onward! Dungeons to explore, skeletons to demolish, hearts to collect, relics to find! Have I mentioned that “Lament of Innocence” is really really different from “Symphony of the Night”???
Why I disliked "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers": played through the whole damn game and no one ever said, “All your Helms Deep are belong to us.”
Why I disliked “Castlevania: Lament of Innocence”: this game is dang weird, and I don’t mean because it’s about vampires and all spooookeh. It is the oddest mix of 2D and 3D imaginable, like 2.5D or something. You can move your Belmont in all directions, so it’s kinda 3D, but it’s like he lives in a strictly 2D world...the bookshelves and sconces are just “painted” on the walls, he can’t look around from a central standpoint, there’s no first-person view and in many rooms (if you can grasp this concept without being high) the wall where your TV screen is, doesn’t exist even if you move him so as to circle the perimeter of the room.
On the positive side, this game did allow me to achieve a Crowning Glory Moment in video game stupidity when I got stuck in the freaking TUTORIAL. Yes, in the TUTORIAL. After the introduction and opening cutscenes, you steer your Belmont into the super scary spooky castle in the deep dark woods (as you can tell, “Lament of Innocence” is VASTLY different from “Symphony of the Night”) and play through a short tutorial. The tutorial tells you helpful things like “If Leon jumps, then jumps again while in the air, he can jump even higher to reach new places” - well, I immediately deduced that if you push X to jump, why, then that would mean X, X is double-jump (I’m clever that way). Then you come to a room where the tutorial shows you this picture of a wrought-iron railing on a balcony and says “Use whip to swing and traverse ledges”. Ummm...okay. Leon has 2 whip attacks, the whip-whip attack and the boomstick-whip attack. I tried every conceivable permutation and combination of these attacks whilst jumping, double-jumping, standing still, from a running start, from an angle and straight on. I am feeling very smug and pompous because I did not destroy yet another PS2 controller.
In a state of dire humiliation, I went to Gamefaqs for assistance but was spared the derisive laugher of my fellow gamers because, hard though it might be to believe, there is someone out there even lamer than me. Yes, the “how do I hook the whip and swing” question had already been asked. More than once. The secret is X, X, square but evidently “it’s kind of a pain”. Oh, WONDERFUL. After an interminably long time, I eventually moved on, although once I hooked the whip and swung my Belmont, I have no idea how the 247th time I pressed X, X, square differed from the first 246 times. But, onward! Dungeons to explore, skeletons to demolish, hearts to collect, relics to find! Have I mentioned that “Lament of Innocence” is really really different from “Symphony of the Night”???
Why I disliked "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers": played through the whole damn game and no one ever said, “All your Helms Deep are belong to us.”
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