Why do people get on the elevator and stand there without pushing any buttons? I don’t recall seeing this at my old office, but people in this building do it ALL. THE. TIME. Some are yakking away in groups while some are alone, yet all are seemingly bent on getting somewhere as evidenced by the way they shove past me or stride forthrightly into the elevator car. Then all action on their part ceases, at least until we arrive at my floor and they shriek, “OH! This is EIGHT! I needed to get off at FIVE!” Well, perhaps you should have pushed the round black thing with a white “5" on it, then! Occasionally, it’s an extra-special experience when they glare at me, as if I’m somehow to blame for their inability to decipher the intricacies of elevator operation. I don’t know why; it’s not as if I act all superior and snobbish because I have skills they don’t. I almost never lord it over the moronic when I step off smugly onto the correct floor.

The absolute best, though, is the people who stand there like mannequins for a bit, then suddenly realize they’ve left out an important step in the elevator-riding process and, as we sweep past Seven, start jabbing the “7" button frantically, as though they will somehow be in time to halt the upward soaring (they never are) and then continue to jab the button over and over, harder and harder, as if hoping to reverse the momentum. That never works either, at least not that I've seen.

I should prepare a pamphlet on how to achieve desired elevation results, and distribute it in the lobby. Perhaps this afternoon...

MONTOYA DELENDA EST!